by  Dr. Carletta N. Perry

Q. My family lost the person who was the glue that kept us all together. How do we bring peace back to our lives?

A. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It’s interesting that we often do not realize the massive influence of some people in our lives. However, their absence can bring on a mixture of grief (i.e., shock, depression, anger, etc.), confusion, hurt and leave you with a huge void.

Since your loved one was the glue that kept you all connected, it is easy to feel like you are now simply separate parts of a puzzle. However, you are family! Family offers us a connection that lasts forever, even when we try to pull away, even when we get mad at one another, even when they are far away, and, yes, even in death. The connection to family is always there.

It appears that your loved one left you and your family members with a legacy of wisdom. Here are some points of wisdom that I extracted from your story that I would like you to incorporate into your life and share with your family members.

Your loved one left you knowing that family is important and that it is important to stay connected. I can only imagine that she kept the conflict at a minimum, helped you all see the perspectives of each other, made sure you all understood your worth by showing you how special and how important each of you were to her, and made you all feel her unconditional love. The truth of the matter is the rest is up to you all.

When my grandmother passed at age 97, I said: ‘I miss her so much, but thank you God for giving her to me for so many years. Thank you God for what she instilled in me. Thank you God for what she left me with and not what she took with her.’

Your loved one may have left you but the legacy of his/her wisdom is still very present in the lives she touched. Use the points above to keep her memory alive, instill her lessons into your children, and practice her character and love with each other.

Please don’t worry about who has the idea to get together for the holiday or to celebrate a birthday, simply create ways to get together and celebrate. Don’t sweat the little stuff or assume the worst when something comes across wrong.

Though you may treat each other differently based on personality, make a conscious choice to love one another unconditionally.

Lastly, never underestimate the power of saying, “I love you” and say it often.

DR. CARLETTA N. PERRY holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, with specialties in marriage and family. She is a professor of psychology, a therapeutic life coach and relationship expert, as well as author, radio and television host and entrepreneur. Catch her new television show, “It’s Life Changing with Dr. Carletta Perry,” Sundays at 11:30 p.m. on SKY4 and YouTube. Email your own questions for this feature to contact@drcarlettaperry.com.