Be grateful for your mother-daughter relationship

Published 9:12 am Saturday, May 14, 2016

by Dr. Carletta N. Perry

Q: My mother is always in my business. I don’t want to be her whole life anymore. What do I do?

A: Hello, and thank you for writing to the column. I am not sure if you are the only child, but it is apparent that your mother loves you; perhaps it feels like she is smothering you. Nonetheless, she loves you. I know you are saying, “But Dr. Perry, I love her, too, but does she have to be a part of everything or does she have to make everything about her?”

I understand and I hear you so let’s dialogue about this a little more. I would also like to add that not only does your mother love you, but it seems that she actually admires you, perhaps your drive, your style, your personality and so forth. Your mother is probably not shy so sometimes it can seem as if she is competitive or a shadow in your spotlight. But remember, she was diva number No. 1 before you came along so it’s only natural that when she looks at you, she sees herself. That’s a compliment.

However, should she be in your business? I don’t know the whole story, but I feel like she was invited.

First, a good parent is always concerned about their child and stays in your business typically until you are 18 or until you move out. Most parents continue this behavior well into adulthood not necessarily because they don’t know how to stop, but because the now adult child still needs the parent, still asks for advice, still asks for money, still asks for recipes, still ask for relationship advice, still asks for help. They are invited.

Remember how she was there for you when you needed her to be as a child. Remember how she was there for you when you wanted her to be as an adult. You invited her and you should be thankful she keeps showing up. Mothers and daughters can have a special adult friendship. Be grateful for your mother and your mother-daughter relationship.

Dr. Carletta N. Perry holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, with specialties in marriage and family. She is a professor of psychology, a therapeutic life coach and relationship expert, as well as author, radio and television host and entrepreneur. Catch her new television show, “It’s Life Changing with Dr. Carletta Perry,” Sundays at 7 p.m. on Charter Channel 191. Email your own questions for this feature to