What attracts us to other people?

Published 11:39 am Saturday, February 6, 2016

Q. As a man, why do I often want the woman I know I don’t need?

A. Hello and thank you for asking the question. Most men never want to discuss this matter and rarely can see what the choice is costing them and tend to overlook most of the person’s negative or destructive qualities. In fact, relationships of this type can be or become emotionally abusive, physically abuse and often times for men, financially draining.

Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. This is a very complex question, but I will give you a partial explanation and the rest may require more information during a one-on-one session.

Last week I wrote that attraction is very complex and the reasons why. Well, another reason attraction is so complex is because we are often intrigued by the things we don’t have and that may include the characteristics of a man or a woman. For example, a person might think, “You are different from me, you are interesting, I want to save you, I can fix you, I have help for you, you make me feel special or loved in a way that my past (or current) significant other does not, or (my favorite) every dude I know would be jealous if I had her! Therefore, I am attracted to you.”

Obviously, this is not how it comes out verbatim, but believe it or not, this is how it happens often times. In addition, men and woman can sometimes forget all about what they have or what’s important in a relationship and begin to focus on what they think they need.

If you haven’t fulfilled those needs (for example, the need to feel important), you can begin to think other people can and you begin to search until someone comes along and tells you just what you want to hear or makes you feel just the way you want to feel — but, often times, it is not real.

The good news is I think you already know this because your answer was in your question: the woman I know I don’t need. Never become so blinded that you can’t see what’s really important.

Why don’t you come join me for Couples College? For 10 weeks, singles will get hitched and learn about healthy relationship while married couples will rekindle their love for one another, both classes will have a mix of lessons and fun exercises.

Reserve your spot today at 757-773-1396.

DR. CARLETTA N. PERRY offers therapeutic life, relationship and career coaching. Catch her television show, “It’s Life Changing with Dr. Carletta Perry,” on Sundays at 11:30 p.m. on WSKY/SKY-4 and on YouTube. Email her at contact@drcarlettaperry.com.