by Abbie-Fox Worrell

Question: I’ve been told by a lot of people that a lot of guys would like to take me out, but they are just too intimidated by me. What can I do to avoid being intimidating?

Answer: Alice was just getting to the juiciest part of the latest gossip magazine when a nurse appeared with clipboard in hand. In a kind voice she calls out the next patient’s name. Immediately Alice stands to acknowledge her presence.

Once she passes through the open door into the examination area, Alice hears the nurse say, “Good morning. Thank you for bringing your problematic dating life in today for a second opinion. Our team of diagnostic professionals is top notch; you are in the right place.”

During her consultation with the dating doctor, Alice is informed that men are more often drawn to success and beauty than they are intimidated by either.

If this were not the case, there would be more out-of-work fully clothed women gracing the covers of Sport’s Illustrated’s swimsuit editions.She also learns that typically the reason an available person won’t ask out another available potential partner is related to a low approachability, not to a high intimidation factor.

In conclusion, the doctor attributes Alice’s inactive dating life to the same.

In order to confirm her new prognosis, Alice was sent to take the PEEL test; a copy is included below for you to reference and take.

As you answer each of the questions, allow the outer layers surrounding the core cause of your dating life’s inactivity to “peel” away. Make an effort to be open and receptive to what is newly revealed.

THE PEEL TEST

P. Preoccupation — In a social setting, do you tend to sit with your side or back to the center of the room or appear to stare off in the distance rather than face into it with a look of openness and invitation? When you go out, are you frequently in large groups and constantly talking or texting on your phone? If you answered yes to any of these questions your approachability factor is low.

E. Effort — Do you expect anyone who asks you out to be very well-off and have a great job with good benefits? Do you require they check in with you all of the time, spend limited time with the guys or anywhere else away from you, or give you expensive gifts at every holiday? If you answered yes to either of these questions, your approachability factor is low.

E. Energy — Are others generally drawn to you? If so, your approachability factor is high and you are exuding positive energy; positive energy emits forth from confidence, strength and emotional stability. If, on the other hand, others are generally driven away from you, your approachability factor is low and you are exuding negative energy; negative energy emits forth from insecurity, weakness and emotional instability. When it comes to dating, reluctance to enter into a new relationship for fear of being hurt or holding onto anger from past unresolved pain can negatively affect the energy you exude.

L. Likelihood — Your perceived willingness to say yes to being asked out directly affects your approachability. If you are perceived as unlikely to say yes to being asked out, you are less likely to be approached with a request to do so; nobody likes to be rejected. If, on the other hand, you are perceived as likely to say yes to being asked out, you are more likely to be approached with a request to do so.

E ND OF TEST

If after taking the PEEL test you identify and are willing to change aspects within yourself that would increase your approachability factor, make the necessary adjustments and enjoy your success. If you are unwilling to change, accept the fact you limit the number of people likely to approach you for a date because there are few people who are looking for a high-maintenance, preoccupied, negative partner who is likely to say no to being asked out. Be encouraged, however, because although you limit this number, it will never go to zero for I truly believe there is somebody for everybody.

In conclusion, if you do not have the necessary funds to dine at the world’s most exclusive restaurant, if you feel you won’t be let in its doors, or if once inside you are ignored by preoccupied negative energy, you too would not likely approach the restaurant, but not because you were intimidated to do so. That diagnosis, unlike Alice’s, needs no second opinion.

ABBIE-FOX WORRELL is a Franklin native and advice columnist for The Tidewater News. Submit your questions to askabbie@tidewaternews.com