Am I the only one who…

Published 10:18 am Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Sweeps dirt under the rug?

Uses his hair brush as a back scratcher?

When still in bed early morning, gets a phone call asking “Did I get you up?”replies, “Of course not.”

Sometimes cries in the shower?

Has a stash of cash somewhere no one else knows about?

Has a stash of chocolate somewhere no one else knows about?

Burps out loud and confidently when they are alone?

Seems to never have enough money?

Pouts? But you would never call it that.

Likes to pop bubble-wrap?

Acts different just because you are in church?

Steps onto the dance floor not sure what you will do?

Feels their pants getting tighter around the waist?

Has run up the down escalator?

Ever so slightly, imagines a shark nearby while swimming in the ocean?

Is still afraid of getting a shot?

Still wants to climb a tree?

Sometimes feels insecure, unworthy, inadequate and unconfident but will go to their grave before letting someone know?

Has an extremely difficult time uttering the words, “I was wrong.”

Bites a Tootsie Roll Pop within ten seconds just to get to the middle?

Slows down when they see a policeman no matter what speed they are driving?

Prays and sometimes wonders if anyone is listening?

Has opened their eyes while kissing?

Hopes their wife doesn’t read this column?

Rex Alphin is a farmer, businessman and contributing columnist for The Tidewater News. His e-mail address is