Best column ever

Published 9:04 am Wednesday, January 26, 2011

All set to start writing. This is going to be great! Let me get a cup of coffee. Here’s my favorite mug. Nice, large handle. Two sugar, two cream. Mmmm, that tastes good.

Now I’m ready. In my favorite chair. No. 2 pencil. It could use sharpening. I hate a dull pencil!

Now I’m ready. Nice pointed tip. Feels good in the hand. OK, let’s see, let’s see. It’s a tad cool in the room, don’t you think? Seventy-one degrees would be better.

There, that’s better. Hmmmm. Some music. Soft background music. Josh Groban? Too heavy. Counting Crows? Too loud. Frank Sinatra? Jackson Five? Too old. Jim Brickman? Yes, that should do. Nice and soft. Get the volume right.

Back in my chair. Oops, low on coffee. Refill it. Now I’m ready. Hmmmm. Is this real wood on this pencil? Someone chewed on the eraser. I like this song playing. OK, let’s get going.

My goodness, my right sock has a hole in it! I hate that! All weird on the toes. Let me change it. Now, that’s better. So comfortable. All set.

I’m a little hungry. What’s in the kitchen? Oranges. Peanuts. Fudge! Only take two pieces. Don’t want to be a hog! Aw, what the heck, take two more.

Back in the chair now, No. 2 pencil in hand. Hmmmm. I scratch my left foot through the sock. Better. You know, that music is distracting. Let me cut it off.

Now we’re talking. I hear the fridge running. Turn this three-way bulb to its brightest. Better.

Start with a title. Good place to start. Hmmmm. Fingernails need cutting. Especially this thumb.

Still hungry. Wonder what’s on television? No, no! If I put that on, that’s it!

Well, I’ll just see who’s winning the game. Just check. Tied up! Let me just see this play. Well, maybe the first half. Then that’s it. Wow, what a catch! Soon as this game is over, I’m going to start writing. Best column ever!

Rex Alphin is a farmer, businessman and contributing columnist for The Tidewater News. His email address is