Permit me to offer a few predictions. Within the next 12 months I venture that some of you

Will watch a child take his first step

Will start walking with a cane

Will go on a diet and lose 24 pounds

Will gain 24 pounds

Will receive a paycheck of a different origin

Will, having dropped your child off at college, weep for 30 miles. And again upon arriving home

Will discover a new way to love your spouse

Will consider an affair

Will consummate an affair

Will become disillusioned at the outcome of an affair

Will wonder why you ever considered an affair

Will step on a snake

Will start snoring

Will discover God

Will dream of adulthood

Will yearn for youth

Will touch your lips to those of a boy for the first time

Will gain a mortgage

Will lose a driver’s license

Will reflect on an old love

Will get underpaid

Will get overdrawn

Will obtain braces

Will be fitted for dentures

Will purchase a crib

Will choose a burial plot

Will no longer be reading this column