Talking trash

Published 8:10 am Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Come with me, my friend, as we explore that sacred reservoir of refuse; that container of confidentiality; that montage of memories. Slip on your rubber gloves as we dive into that most valuable household fixture called the “Trash Can.”

My, it can tell us a lot of things.

Four empty pizza boxes. Extra large. Mushrooms discarded (Working adults? Someone’s tired in the evening).

Empty self-tanning lotion bottle (I thought that nice bronze tone was a shade unnatural).

Hair coloring for men (Aha! And I thought he was just youthful looking. I’m going to check those roots a little closer next time)

Plastic bags (They shop at those stores? Seem somewhat high-end).

Old coffee grounds (Someone likes caffeine).

Old cat litter (Someone likes felines).

Baby jars, disposal diapers, juice boxes (The pitter-patter of little feet is heard around this household).

A size 14 red dress. Torn on the side (Someone gaining weight?) Lying underneath are candy bar wrappers, empty cookie packages and an ice cream container. All resting atop a pamphlet advertising a diet.

Remnants of a T-bone steak (I’d guess medium rare).

Empty prescription bottle (High blood pressure?)

Empty prescription bottle (Depression? They always seem happy to me).

(My, they use a lot of paper towels).

A birthday card (That old? You’re kidding! I never would have thought she was that far along. Can’t wait to tell a few folks).

By the way, reader; in case I get bored sometime, where do you keep your trash?