Introducing the most earth-friendly, low-maintenance, dependable-working machine available today.

This long eared, sure-footed creature will not only eliminate your work load, but also provide companionship for years to come. Consider these features:

Powered by Renewable Fuels

All fuel used by this powerhouse can be grown right on your farm year after year. No need to ship anything in from across the Atlantic. No need to add taxes. Your grain can be stored out of the weather and used all winter long.

Water comes from that creek out back. No need for additives, just plain water.

Excellent Fuel Mileage

A little fuel at breakfast and supper and this rascal can go all day long.

Automatic Waste Management System

About as natural as can be. No oversight by a government agency. No forms to fill out. No license required. Scientifically distributed across your land.

Internal Global Positioning System

With just a little instruction, this animal will follow a row exactly. Furthermore, at the sound of the dinner bell, he will leave the field and walk straight home without a map and without steering.

Low Maintenance

No oil changes. No flat tires. No expensive repair bills.

Reduces Obesity

Guaranteed to reduce excess weight. Just follow this rascal up and down that field for a week and you’ll be trading in your clothes for a smaller size. You’ll also sleep well at night.

No License Required

If you can walk, you can operate this machine.

Inexpensive

Compare that $100,000 tractor with this $300 pulling machine and you’ll find yourself making the smart choice.

To order today, simply call 1-800-MULE.

You’ll be glad you did (shipping not included).

Rex alphin is a farmer, businessman and contributing columnist for The Tidewater News. His e-mail address is rexalphin@aol.com.