Keep the menu simple

Published 12:00 am Friday, October 19, 2007

So I’m figuring where to go for lunch one day last week. Part 1. (Part II means next week’s offering.)

Most days I head home for a sandwich, chips, a soft drink or something like that. I like a break from the office, watch a little cable news (we have neither a cable feed nor a satellite feed here at 1000 Armory Drive.

Nevertheless, when it comes to food, I’m quite boring. Very boring, And I can prove it. No one is around to dispute this, but I believe I set the New York State public school record for consecutive days when my mother packed a brown paper lunch bag with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The streak ran from about the first lunch in the first grade until who only knows when. Certainly into high school.

And that’s lunch. Lunch is easy. I’m a terrible dinner date. Anything spicey frightens the beejeebers out of me. It’s been a long-standing rule that I don’t eat food that hurts. I don’t see the point. I don’t like food that promotes nightmares. I can do that on my own, thank you very much.

The same philosophy applies to movies,

in that

I don’t like scary movies. Why pay for something that makes you feel uncomfortable? Make no sense to me.

And a narrow menu is terribly limiting on a social

level. Going out to eat

is a staple of social behavior. “Let’s do Mexican,” or whatever, is a common suggestion. I’m out. Not being disrespectful.

My first trip to Phinn’s Oyster Bar on Main Street in Franklin, for example had me asking whether the menu ventured beyond seafood. Hey, I didn’t know. I was relatively new in town. Still —and this in spite of the fact that I was born and raised on Long Island, it’s true — fish is not on my menu, either. Many of my high school friends dug clams from the Great South Bay and made considerably good pay selling those clams by the dozen. My dad and I fished and caught many. I could eat neither. Still can’t.

It’s probably not a good introduction to the folks who take full advantage of the outdoors here.

I’ll meet you for pizza, however.

Paul McFarlane is the Editor of The Tidewater News. His e-mail is