Women. They can drive a man plum crazy. As hard as he has tried through the centuries, no man has been able to figure them out.

My guess is there is a team of scientists right now analyzing the female DNA trying to discover what makes this gender so mysterious and unpredictable.

Consider, for instance, the simple question, &uot;Honey, does this dress make me look fat?&uot;

This question has baffled men for ages.

My guess is this was the first question asked of Adam by Eve.

Same with Sarah and Abraham. Alexander the Great conquered the entire known world but he could not conquer this question. George Washington brilliantly out- maneuvered the British but he had nowhere to hide when asked this by Martha. For he knew that if he said, &uot;No&uot;, she would think he was telling her this just to make her feel good. And if he said, &uot;Yes&uot;, he was insensitive and critical. He was trapped.

And so it is, we try and unravel the great mystery of Woman.

There should be some class somewhere that introduces young men to this culture that is so different from their own. It should explain that &uot;diamonds&uot; have significance other than in baseball. It should teach that the word pronounced &uot;flower&uot; is not necessarily something someone uses to make bread.

And the word &uot;jewelry&uot; has nothing to do with the Jewish race but rather involves those shiny trinkets known as necklaces and bracelets and earrings.

As much as this seems impossible, most men are not born knowing these things, nor can they figure them out. They must be taught these things. And I would make a strong suggestion that the teacher be a woman.

All of this to say there is something magically mystical about women. Something not of this world. Something elusive and different and just out of our grasp. Something so &uot;unlike men.&uot;

And that something puzzles us and confounds us and frustrates us. But more importantly, it is probably due to the very fact that we can’t understand them that we find them so doggone attractive.

For Woman is charm and grace. She is beauty personified. She is the marvel of God’s creation. Her presence changes families and businesses and conversations and kingdoms.

For all our inadequacies at understanding her, we greatly desire her. There is nothing on this earth that quite compares to Woman. Nothing quite matches her eyes or her smile. Nothing so enjoyable as her in our presence. No sound so pleasing as her voice. No light so powerful as the sparkle in her eyes. It’s as if someone somewhere knew exactly what men needed and desired and longed for and craved. And that someone took all that data and made a blueprint and created

this unique creature to those exact specifications.

It’s interesting that the last creature God made on this earth was woman. I think He saved the best for last.

Rex Alphin is a farmer, businessman and contributing columnist for The Tidewater News. His e-mail address is rexalphin@aol.com.